You're a mom.

So I'm on this Facebook group called "Pregasauruses and Mammasauruses".  There are a lot of really great women on there with good questions & helpful advice.  There's an even larger population of women on there who are dumb as bricks.  Really - someone posted that she thought she was having twins because there seemed to be a "face" in the background of a 3D ultrasound at 16 weeks.  You mean to tell me, that you think a highly skilled ultrasound tech missed a second 12 oz baby in there!?  And furthermore, there is nothing but goo in those ultrasounds, so that "face" you see is like seeing a shape in the clouds.  And what blows my mind, there were 60+ women who AGREED WITH HER.  Bless their hearts.  I pop some popcorn and sit back and read some of the comments, and am flabbergasted that people are so cruel (or dumb).  So here I am, writing a post about some of my new-mom thoughts on life with baby(ies).  Sorry I'm not sorry if you're offended.  We can still be friends.

When you are a parent (yep, goes for dads too), you make whatever decision is right for you, your family, and your babies.  It might not be the same decision as someone else, but THAT'S OKAY.  I read all over the internet about mom-shaming and how people feel so guilty for the things that they do or don't do.  Be more accepting and respectful of other parents, and don't judge them for making a DIFFERENT decision, when everyone just has their babies' best interest at heart.

Guess what?  We're moms.  We do the best we can.  So here goes.

I had a C-section.  It doesn't matter if you deliver vaginally, medicated, unmedicated, get sliced open and have your babies removed through a 6" opening on your stomach - you had a baby.  You chose the safest method of eviction for your babies.  Because I had a C-section, and a baby (or two) didn't squeeze through a 10cm hole down there, that doesn't mean that I'm less of a mom. 

I formula feed.  Gasp!  Guess what - formula isn't poison.  Formula keeps your baby alive and growing.  I tried my darndest to get my two beauties to suck the life out of my boobs, but they.never.once.sucked.  After a week, I continued to pump my brains out, and felt like I was being milked like a cow.  After five weeks and getting soooo little, I pumped one last time on Cinco de Mayo and had a margarita.  I haven't looked back or felt guilty since.  You know why?  Because I'm a mom.  I'm a MUCH better mom since I don't have babies attached to my two boobs or a pump milking me for all I'm worth. 

Reasons why I'm okay with not breastfeeding:
-I don't want something attached to me.
-I like to sleep.
-I don't want to willingly have sore, cracked, bleeding nipples.
-I don't want to be milked like a cow.  I hated that damn pump.
-I don't want to figure out my diet so that my babies aren't fussy/gassy/spitty.  I like cheese and chocolate and broccoli, and am too selfish to give it up.
-I want to consume COPIOUS amounts of alcohol.  And coffee when I'm sleepy.
-I worked SO hard to be pregnant for a long time.  I'm selfish.  After eight months of giving it my all for my twins, I'm tired of drinking water and consuming a lot of calories.  I like to formula feed.

You breastfeed?  That's excellent.  I'm happy for you.  You, just like me, are keeping your baby alive.  We do it differently, but have the same outcome.  Your baby will still get sick.  Just like mine will.  Quit being so judge-y when I buy my babies' food from the store.  And just drink a glass of wine, will you?  You're too uptight.

BABIES CRY.  Yes, that's right - they cry.  "A baby never died from crying" and "A crying baby is breathing" (amazing words of wisdom from other moms of multiples).  We try to do the best we can, and sometimes they still cry.  That doesn't mean that their bellies hurt and they need to go on reflux medicine; or that we aren't feeding them (it's probably the lack of breast milk.. sick burn).  Babies cry.  That's how they communicate.  Oh, and moms cry too.

I terminated a pregnancy.  [This isn't really new-mom thoughts, but it's current-events, all-over-my-Facebook thoughts.  I mean, I'm already ranting..]  Daniel & I had a very, very sick baby, and the best decision for us was to terminate.  Other families choose to carry to term.  We made different decisions, but decisions that were right for us.  That doesn't mean either one of those choices is "right" vs "wrong", it just means we chose differently.  And when I see so many pro-life, anti-abortion (the dreaded A word!) it makes my heart hurt.  We loved our baby fiercely, and wanted him/her so very bad, but we chose the safest and best option for us.  (I wouldn't wish our situation on anyone).  And the new mom in me looks at our beautiful, perfect, and healthy girls and am so thankful every.single.day.  Even when they cry, I thank my lucky stars that we have girls with strong lungs.  In the middle of the night, I'm so happy (yet sleepy!) to have babies to soothe to sleep.  I look at their beautiful, round, completely perfect heads and tear up at how badly we wanted these girls, and how sad I am that Baby Sink was so sick.  So the next time you read a post (or even post yourself!) about how awful termination is, and can only picture a 16 year old girl who doesn't "want" her baby - think again.  Think about all of the families who want nothing more than a healthy baby.  Oh, and appreciate your healthy baby.  The good, the bad, the ugly - appreciate all of those crazy, messy, chaotic moments.  Boy-girl-doesn't matter.  Healthy matters.

I'm squishy.  Yep, I gained 43 pounds over the course of 8 months, and my middle is squishy.  I weigh 6 pounds more than before, and I'm okay with that.  I go to the pool and rock a mom-skirt.  I don't feel bad about how I look.  Because of babies.  So quit giving yourself crap about how you look (or judge other moms).  WE MADE HUMANS.  That's not an easy thing to put your body through, so love your body with all you have for making something so incredible.

Here's the epitome of an awesome new-mom who doesn't judge.  I have a very new, but very dear friend-Lisa.  She is, like me, a new twin-momma.  She delivered her healthy boy-girl twins via a 10-cm opening down there (makes my lady friend hurt to think about it!).  She nurses both of them (my nipples hurt thinking about it!).  Her amazing body produces enough milk to sustain two babies, and they are growing and healthy.  Do you know how stressful that might be?  She stays at home.  All day, with two littles.  And you want to know what's incredible - we are total opposites in the choices we've made, and I never, ever feel judgment coming from her.  And you want to hear something crazy?  All four of our babies are growing, they smile (and giggle!), and are healthy.  It didn't matter how they came out, how they are fed, or how they spend their days - they are all four loved more than life itself.

And just for future reference-I might let my girls "cry it out".  I won't buy organic milk or baby food.  They will play outside and eat mud pies and get dirty.  They will fight and learn how to share and respect each other and be the best of friends.  They'll be put in time out.  They will learn to say "I'm Sorry".  Despite all of that, they will be alive & (hopefully) happy.  They'll be productive members of society.  Positive influences on others.  At least I hope so, and Daniel and I will try our darndest to make that happen.

Life isn't perfect.  It's not always perfect posts on Instagram and Facebook.  There's a lot of crying, we are grumpy and exhausted and lose our tempers.  I now drink coffee, and eat my dinner each night holding a baby.  Picnic-ing right there on the family room floor staring at my husband doing the same thing.  My girls aren't always asleep, even though 90% of the photos I take they are asleep, peaceful, and holding hands.  They chew on each other, roll over on top of each other, poop all over the place, punch each other in the face.  This morning at daycare, Ella was eating Sydney's crotch.  I kid you not - chomping away on her no-no place.  I didn't post a picture of that because, well that's weird.  That's why I blog, because all of the messy stuff is there (along with precious moments).  Don't judge or base anything on social media posts, because that's just unattainable and you'll beat yourself up over it.

So there you go.  I don't judge you for parenting the best way you know how.  I judge you (and hold a serious grudge against you) for being a bitch.  Let's start encouraging each other, instead of shaming each other.  Let's celebrate that we are all alive at the end of the day!  Let's start buying each other drinks and fist pumping and handing out tissues.  What did you learn in kindergarten?  Get back to the basics.  We are all different, and it's amazing. 

xoxo

High FIVE

Seriously, Daniel and I deserve a high five or 50 because we've kept two sweet ladies alive for FIVE whole months.  And even though they do a considerable amount of crying (you know, when we starve them or make them take a nap), they do an awful lot of smiling which leads me to believe we are raising HAPPY girls. 

So here we are, a lightning fast month later, taking pictures of our ladies in pink tutus on cute boxes.  The past few months have really been lack-luster.  I mean, remember Sydney in the last picture here?  The girls have really hated their tutus + boxes.  Five months started out not going any better..

Hey Sydney, show the world that you have SOME head control.  We've been working on it for months now!

And then the universe decided to throw me a bone, and the girls showed off their amazing head control and even gave us a grin or two. 

Up goes her head!  Look at that grin from sweet Sydney!

our incredible five month old baby girls.  obviously they are LOVING their daddy off to my left.

We were a little concerned that our roly-poly girl, Ella, would roll off her box, so he was on baby-catching duty.  Oh, and he did a stellar job of getting them to look up and show off their pretty faces!

Casually having a conversation about being five months old

E & S

Ella Grace.  Sweet, sweet Ella.  Ella Bella.  Your belly laughs are so contagious!  When you smile, you show off that gorgeous dimple, and our hearts melt.  You are ticklish on your ribs.  You love to eat anything around you, and work so hard to get whatever you can in your mouth (clothes, your sister's arm, your bib, the letter E we put on your belly...).  You love to eat.  If Ella is hungry, the entire neighborhood knows it.  When we burp you in the middle of the bottle, you would have thought we pinched you.  As soon as we lay you down on your back, you roll right over onto your belly.  Nothing stops you - not even Sydney.  You roll right on top of her if she's in your way.  You are finally getting used to sleeping without your swaddle, and wake up with a grin on your face.  You're starting to discover your little voice, and have really started "talking" in the past week.  The Itsy Bitsy Spider is your favorite song.

Sydney Ann.  Cute, adorable Sydney.  Miss Syd.  You are the cutest little thing.  You love to talk.  On the way to daycare, while your playing, at 2am - all we hear is that cute little raspy voice of yours.  You love to smile and seem to have an amazing zest for life (well, the best I can figure for a little baby).  You seem to pack so much punch in such a tiny body.  Speaking of - we are currently trying to get you to GROW!  You are a picky eater and will choke yourself when you're done eating.  It's kind of amusing.  Only kind of amusing - so stop it.  You are ticklish in the crook of your neck.  You love to put your hands in your mouth, and sometimes an entire fist makes its way in there.  You play with all of the toys on the exercise mat, and your feet are always in the air.  It makes it difficult to change your diaper, but you are so cute we can't stand it.  We love waking you up in the morning to see that beautiful grin on your face.  Two Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed is your favorite song.

We have spent every day of the past five months wondering how we got so darn lucky.  Look at these sweet, petite, incredible little ladies!

To my husband

So I'm going to copy & paste a fabulous blog post I read recently.  I'm sure this is going against every copyright law on the books, so sorry mrs.ktparrish@gmail.com - it's too good not to record and read when I need it.  It's so many of my thoughts that I'm unable to so beautifully articulate.

To my husband in this weird phase of life:

Life is weird right now, huh?

We don’t mean it to be. It just is. We work to get paid to pay everyone else and it always seems like there’s always more month than money. There are two very little people who are the bosses while we try so hard to maintain control. We’re pulled in so many directions that are often times opposite of each other.

So we fight. We fight about parenting decisions and whose turn it is to change a dirty diaper. We fight about money and how many times we chose to eat out last week. We fight about bedcovers and laundry and toilet cleaning. We fight about stupid things that we eventually forget what we’re fighting about and start fighting on principle alone.

And its exhausting. So much is demanded of us. Schedules, household, obligations, endless cups of juice and their impending spills on the carpet. 6am alarms that are hungry babies and potty trips. Saying no to a snack fifteen minutes before dinner for the entire fifteen minutes. Finally sitting down for the first time in two hours just in time for someone to need you immediately. Sometimes its tough to catch a breath, much less a break to go pee in peace.

We sit in silence a lot. Not because we don’t have anything to talk about, but simply because we’re tired of talking. Sometimes I realize there are important things I haven’t told you because we just haven’t talked about them. I wish for that closeness we had when all we had to talk about was each other and our time was consumed with each other. Right now, sleep is better than sex and playing games on our phones is more relaxing than a conversation.

This is not to say I am unhappy. This is the life I’ve always dreamed of. I love nothing more than you and our children. Exhaustion from your beautiful lives is better than anything I can think of.

But my heart longs for you more than anyone else.

And I know its so hard right now. But I’m hanging on.

Because I’m going to need you.

I’m going to need you to tell me everything is going to be ok when I cry on their first day of kindergarten. I’m going to need you to hold me when the phone call of bad news comes in. I’m going to need you to drive after we drop off our babies at their college dorm room and to talk me down from trying to go rescue them from the bad decisions they will make there.

I’m going to need you to hold my hand while we sit together in the church pew at their wedding. And I’m going to need you to dance with me at the reception. And I’m going to need you to hold me that night while I recount all the memories of their little lives and cry about how they aren’t mine anymore.

I’m going to need you when the wallets and the schedules get a little bit looser. When there’s no one yelling for juice or covers or crying about non-existent dinosaurs living in their closets. When there are no bottles to wash and no toys to step on. When they are only here for the weekend, and instead of a month’s worth of questionable dirty laundry, they bring our grandchildren with them. I’m going to need you to buy me a porch swing and I’m going to need you to sit beside me and hold my hand and tell me how grateful you are for this life we built together.

And in the meantime of all this needing you, know this: I want you, too. I want you to be there with me every step of the way.

So if this

means we sit in awkward silence while we wait for this phase of life to be over, that’s fine. I’ll just sit close to you so that you know I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. I might even hold your hand. The one that is not playing Cookie Jam, of course.

I love you, and I’ll continue to love you through all of it.

Silence is fine, as long as I’m with you.

Dog days

Our "dog days of summer" consist of hanging out with our ladies at the pool, on the back deck when we have a cool morning, going on walks, grilling out and eating dinner with a baby in our arms, and enjoying all of the amazing smiles we get so often now!  We try to enjoy our quiet snuggles with the girls, because next summer it'll be totally different in the very best of ways.  Our house & yard will be filled with squeals, sprinklers, and toothy ice-cream grins.  We can't wait, but try to enjoy what's happening now :)

We decided on Saturday morning - one that wasn't too hot - that we were going to go check out a local farmer's market.  We REALLY enjoyed it.  We found some awesome vendors, picked up fresh produce, pasta, and herbs.  The girls enjoyed looking at something other than their parents, and we got out of the house.  Here are the local celebrities (because yes, we are celebrities when we leave the house) in one of my new favorite additions, our jogging stroller.

Ella & Sydney are starting to be awake so much, and are changing and growing.  They love to lay in their play mat and grab the toys above them (!!).  It's hilarious how excited Daniel and I get over something so small :) 

holding onto toys, and holding onto each other <3

Sydney grabbing onto one of her favorites

And occasionally (use that term loosely), we have a baby crying.  And sometimes, we even have two crying at the same time.  They love to gang up on us, so we outsmart them and just cry right with them.  Or laugh at them.  Whatever we have to do to survive each day :)

Hey, no baby has ever died from crying.  If your baby is crying, your baby is alive.  We repeat this mantra often ;)

life is terrible for the Sink twins.  We never feed them or allow them to sleep :)

We also try really hard to make time for ourselves as individuals and as a married couple.  It's really tough, because if we ever get time sans babies, we would almost rather be catching up on sleep, our Netflix queue, or the latest on social media.  I've heard many times that parents of multiples have a higher divorce rate than parents of singletons.  Not that I think Daniel and I will ever, ever get divorced - but, it has made me more aware that we have extra stress on us thanks to having twins.  We have to make a very conscious effort to step outside of our role as parents and remember, above all else, we are married.  And that will benefit our girls in so many ways.  So right now, the girls gang up on us at dinner time, and we have to eat our dinner holding or soothing a fussy baby.  Daniel planned a fun date for us - dinner & a movie at Cinebistro (the fanciest movie theatre in RVA).  So good to hang out next to my best friend, holding hands, and forgetting we were parents for a little while :)

Me sneaking a sip of Daniel's super fancy coffee

<3

 We enjoy Sunday-morning snuggles with our girls

Sweet Ella

Sydney is hiding in that blanket.  And I'm pretty confident, she's only wearing a diaper.

 And we LOVE the pool!

E & S holding hands

happy Ella!  look at those adorable suits



hanging out with Jacob!

snoozing, pool-side.  they still love to sleep in the same position.  I just can't get enough!

Sydney is PASSED OUT on KK

And, ya'll, something BIG happened.  The girls giggled AT EACH OTHER for the very first time!  Daniel had Sydney in his lap facing Ella in my lap - and they both laughed.  It was the most amazing sound, and I know that our house will soon be filled with their giggles.  They are starting to really look at each other, figure each other out, and interact.  Ah! :)

I can't get over Ella's precious dimple

two sweet sink baby smiles

18 weeks old!

I had both girls in my lap one day after work.  And I kid you not - this is what happened.  They were both asleep, Sydney reached over, wedged her hand under Ella's paci, and she popped it out.  She then proceeded to put her hand behind her head like she hadn't done anything, and Ella cried.  Sydney is sneaky deep down in her core, especially if she can do something so devious in her sleep.  Let the games begin!

I looked down to see this precious baby belly, and had to snap a picture

always touching each other.  moments like these make my heart nearly explode.  my lap is the happiest place on the planet

Daniel arranged another fun date for us - to Innsbrook After Hours for the American Authors & Andy Grammer concert.  I know you've read about how much we love American Authors - they are the current soundtrack to the Sink family.  We listened to their album to/from Baby Sink appointments.  Their song "Love" gave us hope after we lost Baby Sink.  The day we found out we were pregnant, I played Love for Daniel.  We would listen to their album before and after twins' appointments, and even on the way to the hospital for our C-section.  Daniel put them on as we drove our precious girls home, and we just love their music.  So Daniel planned a night for us to enjoy a band that has meant a lot to us.

It was an awesome night.  There's something that's even better - on the day we went to the concert, it was one year to the day we found out we were pregnant for the second time.  Once I saw two lines, I came downstairs crying, playing Love.  We laughed and cried and our cheeks hurt so bad from smiling.  We wanted a healthy baby so bad, not yet knowing TWO healthy ladies were in our future.  Now here we are, sans babies, enjoying American Authors in person.  It's been the best year of our lives.

"And we laughed, and we cried, and though, Oh what a life!"

After American Authors played, Andy Grammer headlined.  He was incredible!  He even had someone come on stage and do sign-language to one of his songs.  We had such a great night - dancing, singing, and being adults.

Oh - and breaking babies news - the girls are now sleeping all night!  You read that right - we put them down at 8 and they normally sleep until around 7am.  The math?  ELEVEN HOURS.  Incredible.  The Couringtons told us there is a "magical weight" of 10 lbs, where they believe babies can really go a long stretch at night.  Our night feeds have been mainly because Sydney is waking up, Ella is our good sleeper (also heavier).  Now that Sydney has (hopefully) reached the 10 lb mark, we've cut out night feeds.  We have to go pop in a paci a few times a night, sometimes not at all, but that's 10x better compared to a full-on night feeding production.  I know that I'll be less sleepy, but I can't help but think that Daniel & I will look back on these days and miss waking up together, putting on Netflix, and spending time with all 4 of us-even at 3am.  It's so much better to have someone to do it with!  We're a good team.  A really, really good team.


we attribute their good sleeping habits to swaddling.  here are our two babies, snug as a bug in a rug



"Goodnight shirt.  Goodnight pants." - Grandma Stella.  We are teaching her tradition to her great-grands.

So very peaceful.  Oh-and this is for a picture, only.  They sleep in separate cribs, head-to-head.

Here's a little story about them sleeping separate (sorry if I've told it before).  The girls initially started out in their cribs with their heads opposite each other.  They would scoot all the way down their cribs towards each other.  We started sleeping them head-to-head, and they don't move a muscle.  The twin bond is an incredible thing - even for tiny, sleeping babies.

The time finally came for one of us to fly solo with the girls overnight.  I was the lucky lady to spend one day + one night + half of a day as a trio of ladies.  Daniel went to Chesapeake to celebrate John's 30th birthday.  We survived!  My mom came over to help with feeding and my sanity.  The girls slept AMAZING (I was feeling much better about our time alone once they started sleeping all night long), and we were so, so, so happy to have Daniel back home!

two big, beautiful smiles!

Ella Bear - so happy, so wiggly

Nana gave the girls a manicure (I really, really suck at doing their nails)

We enjoyed lots of super sweet snuggles.  I love how Ella is holding onto Sydney

always touching <3

We survived a fussy period of time with a super-full lap & Scandal :)

they're checking each other out!

When Daniel finally came home, we spent lots of time out on the back deck because it was gorgeous.

Happy Ella & Serious Sydney, Sydney cracks us up - even by just looking at you

See how happy Ella is?  Well, buckle up for this cuteness:

we fed the girls in a new spot - on the deck!

Ella wanted a pre-bedtime snack on Daniel's arm

Seriously - Sydney is the funniest little thing.  This is how she enjoyed her bath.  Just staring up at me, relaxed and enjoying the warm water.  I was waiting for her to say "I'd love a drink with an umbrella now".

I just can't get enough

Look at this smiley girl LOVING her daddy!

More dog days of summer to come, but for now - enjoy the cuteness that is now our blog :)