So I'm on this Facebook group called "Pregasauruses and Mammasauruses". There are a lot of really great women on there with good questions & helpful advice. There's an even larger population of women on there who are dumb as bricks. Really - someone posted that she thought she was having twins because there seemed to be a "face" in the background of a 3D ultrasound at 16 weeks. You mean to tell me, that you think a highly skilled ultrasound tech missed a second 12 oz baby in there!? And furthermore, there is nothing but goo in those ultrasounds, so that "face" you see is like seeing a shape in the clouds. And what blows my mind, there were 60+ women who AGREED WITH HER. Bless their hearts. I pop some popcorn and sit back and read some of the comments, and am flabbergasted that people are so cruel (or dumb). So here I am, writing a post about some of my new-mom thoughts on life with baby(ies). Sorry I'm not sorry if you're offended. We can still be friends.
When you are a parent (yep, goes for dads too), you make whatever decision is right for you, your family, and your babies. It might not be the same decision as someone else, but THAT'S OKAY. I read all over the internet about mom-shaming and how people feel so guilty for the things that they do or don't do. Be more accepting and respectful of other parents, and don't judge them for making a DIFFERENT decision, when everyone just has their babies' best interest at heart.
Guess what? We're moms. We do the best we can. So here goes.
I had a C-section. It doesn't matter if you deliver vaginally, medicated, unmedicated, get sliced open and have your babies removed through a 6" opening on your stomach - you had a baby. You chose the safest method of eviction for your babies. Because I had a C-section, and a baby (or two) didn't squeeze through a 10cm hole down there, that doesn't mean that I'm less of a mom.
I formula feed. Gasp! Guess what - formula isn't poison. Formula keeps your baby alive and growing. I tried my darndest to get my two beauties to suck the life out of my boobs, but they.never.once.sucked. After a week, I continued to pump my brains out, and felt like I was being milked like a cow. After five weeks and getting soooo little, I pumped one last time on Cinco de Mayo and had a margarita. I haven't looked back or felt guilty since. You know why? Because I'm a mom. I'm a MUCH better mom since I don't have babies attached to my two boobs or a pump milking me for all I'm worth.
Reasons why I'm okay with not breastfeeding:
-I don't want something attached to me.
-I like to sleep.
-I don't want to willingly have sore, cracked, bleeding nipples.
-I don't want to be milked like a cow. I hated that damn pump.
-I don't want to figure out my diet so that my babies aren't fussy/gassy/spitty. I like cheese and chocolate and broccoli, and am too selfish to give it up.
-I want to consume COPIOUS amounts of alcohol. And coffee when I'm sleepy.
-I worked SO hard to be pregnant for a long time. I'm selfish. After eight months of giving it my all for my twins, I'm tired of drinking water and consuming a lot of calories. I like to formula feed.
You breastfeed? That's excellent. I'm happy for you. You, just like me, are keeping your baby alive. We do it differently, but have the same outcome. Your baby will still get sick. Just like mine will. Quit being so judge-y when I buy my babies' food from the store. And just drink a glass of wine, will you? You're too uptight.
BABIES CRY. Yes, that's right - they cry. "A baby never died from crying" and "A crying baby is breathing" (amazing words of wisdom from other moms of multiples). We try to do the best we can, and sometimes they still cry. That doesn't mean that their bellies hurt and they need to go on reflux medicine; or that we aren't feeding them (it's probably the lack of breast milk.. sick burn). Babies cry. That's how they communicate. Oh, and moms cry too.
I terminated a pregnancy. [This isn't really new-mom thoughts, but it's current-events, all-over-my-Facebook thoughts. I mean, I'm already ranting..] Daniel & I had a very, very sick baby, and the best decision for us was to terminate. Other families choose to carry to term. We made different decisions, but decisions that were right for us. That doesn't mean either one of those choices is "right" vs "wrong", it just means we chose differently. And when I see so many pro-life, anti-abortion (the dreaded A word!) it makes my heart hurt. We loved our baby fiercely, and wanted him/her so very bad, but we chose the safest and best option for us. (I wouldn't wish our situation on anyone). And the new mom in me looks at our beautiful, perfect, and healthy girls and am so thankful every.single.day. Even when they cry, I thank my lucky stars that we have girls with strong lungs. In the middle of the night, I'm so happy (yet sleepy!) to have babies to soothe to sleep. I look at their beautiful, round, completely perfect heads and tear up at how badly we wanted these girls, and how sad I am that Baby Sink was so sick. So the next time you read a post (or even post yourself!) about how awful termination is, and can only picture a 16 year old girl who doesn't "want" her baby - think again. Think about all of the families who want nothing more than a healthy baby. Oh, and appreciate your healthy baby. The good, the bad, the ugly - appreciate all of those crazy, messy, chaotic moments. Boy-girl-doesn't matter. Healthy matters.
I'm squishy. Yep, I gained 43 pounds over the course of 8 months, and my middle is squishy. I weigh 6 pounds more than before, and I'm okay with that. I go to the pool and rock a mom-skirt. I don't feel bad about how I look. Because of babies. So quit giving yourself crap about how you look (or judge other moms). WE MADE HUMANS. That's not an easy thing to put your body through, so love your body with all you have for making something so incredible.
Here's the epitome of an awesome new-mom who doesn't judge. I have a very new, but very dear friend-Lisa. She is, like me, a new twin-momma. She delivered her healthy boy-girl twins via a 10-cm opening down there (makes my lady friend hurt to think about it!). She nurses both of them (my nipples hurt thinking about it!). Her amazing body produces enough milk to sustain two babies, and they are growing and healthy. Do you know how stressful that might be? She stays at home. All day, with two littles. And you want to know what's incredible - we are total opposites in the choices we've made, and I never, ever feel judgment coming from her. And you want to hear something crazy? All four of our babies are growing, they smile (and giggle!), and are healthy. It didn't matter how they came out, how they are fed, or how they spend their days - they are all four loved more than life itself.
And just for future reference-I might let my girls "cry it out". I won't buy organic milk or baby food. They will play outside and eat mud pies and get dirty. They will fight and learn how to share and respect each other and be the best of friends. They'll be put in time out. They will learn to say "I'm Sorry". Despite all of that, they will be alive & (hopefully) happy. They'll be productive members of society. Positive influences on others. At least I hope so, and Daniel and I will try our darndest to make that happen.
Life isn't perfect. It's not always perfect posts on Instagram and Facebook. There's a lot of crying, we are grumpy and exhausted and lose our tempers. I now drink coffee, and eat my dinner each night holding a baby. Picnic-ing right there on the family room floor staring at my husband doing the same thing. My girls aren't always asleep, even though 90% of the photos I take they are asleep, peaceful, and holding hands. They chew on each other, roll over on top of each other, poop all over the place, punch each other in the face. This morning at daycare, Ella was eating Sydney's crotch. I kid you not - chomping away on her no-no place. I didn't post a picture of that because, well that's weird. That's why I blog, because all of the messy stuff is there (along with precious moments). Don't judge or base anything on social media posts, because that's just unattainable and you'll beat yourself up over it.
So there you go. I don't judge you for parenting the best way you know how. I judge you (and hold a serious grudge against you) for being a bitch. Let's start encouraging each other, instead of shaming each other. Let's celebrate that we are all alive at the end of the day! Let's start buying each other drinks and fist pumping and handing out tissues. What did you learn in kindergarten? Get back to the basics. We are all different, and it's amazing.
xoxo
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