How the hell did we get here?

I know it's been a while since I've posted - and don't worry, my three fellow readers, I'm working on some updates!  But in the meantime, I've had some deep-momma thoughts I've gotta get typed out.

Earlier this afternoon, a twin-mama-to-be came by to purchase our Baby Keurig.  She's having twin boys soon, and she sat for a while and talked to Daniel and I and had a dozen or so questions to ask.  You know, the usual - how can I get them to sleep well at night?  What if one of them is colic-y?  How can I get discounted formula?  We tried our best to keep it real with her, all the while assuring her this is the hardest, best, most rewarding journey she'll ever find herself on.  Some questions she asked us about bottles and how much they ate - Daniel and I looked at each other completely stumped.  How long were they on those itty bitty hospital bottles for?  When did they move out of newborn diapers?  At the time, I swore I would never forget... but here we are, without a clue!  {At that moment I vowed I would try to write more detailed blogs to help me remember}.  I drove home tonight thinking about this sweet mama and those insignificant details that we can't quite recall, and I thought - when in the hell did we get here?  When did all of those seemingly-significant details become insignificant?

Before nap time today, we patiently followed two little tots up the stairs.  Sydney was desperate for a nap, and while she was fussing during her diaper change, Ella walked over to Sydney's crib and got her pacifier and handed it to her.  She selflessly did this before she got her own paci.  I caught a glimpse that we might just be doing something right - that they are thinking of other people before themselves.  But when did that happen!?  When did these two precious babies turn into little tiny people who think for themselves?!  I can't quite bring myself to not call you babies anymore.  You aren't toddlers, nope, you're babies.

How the hell did we get here?

Having multiples isn't for the faint of heart.  It's hard.  I mean really, it's fucking hard.  But when did the hard change?  Likewise, when did the easy change?  And I don't mean the big stuff - like when they started holding their own bottles, when they quit drinking bottles altogether, or when they started to sit-up and walk.  I mean the little stuff - when did they start doing naughty things that required discipline?  When did I realize that feeding them bottles only was the easy part?  When did we put away the "baby" stuff like bouncers, rock 'n plays, and boppies - and bring out the tea sets, stuffed animals, and books?  At what point did they decide that they liked watching Minions or nursery rhymes, and that sometimes Momma needed them to watch TV because she just needed a break!?  They used to require constant attention - making, feeding, cleaning bottles... rocking when they fussed... wave a toy above their head.  Now they require a different type of constant attention - playing with them for real... breaking up baby fights... time outs and i'm sorry's... singing and dancing.  I used to think I was exhausted, but now it's just a different type of exhaustion - and how the hell did we get here?

But the love.  My god, the love.  When did they learn to give kisses and hugs?  When did they start waving bye-bye?  When did they learn that they pick up a baby doll, rock it and say "shh", then kiss its head?  They now sign and say "please" when they want something.  They say "thank you" when you do something for them (umm... sometimes).

Their little minds are incredible.  They learn at lightning speed.  They do things that I never expect - and I don't even know when they picked up on that new skill!  The other day I was getting Sydney dressed for the day, and I heard Ella say "duck - quack quack" and I looked over and there was a duck on the page of the book she was reading.  How the hell did we get here?  She turned the page, recognized a duck, and said it!  I want time to slow down, yet I want to see what type of people they grow into.  I always want their itty bitty, teeny tiny hands to pat my back when they stretch their arms wide for a hug.  I want to take their tiny little voices and stick it in a seashell and listen to it forever.  The way they name all of us - "MA-MA!" "DA-DA!" "EYYA!" "SYDEEE!" with such joy and pride!  

And to you, adult Ella and Sydney, when you read this one day.  I know I write about how hard this twin-gig is, but please know how incredible this journey is.  Almost every day I think to myself "am I doing this right?".  Sometimes I get down on myself because I was too distracted, lost my patience too quickly, or focused on chores instead of your tea party.  And then I have to think that we love you more than life itself, and that's enough.  That will always be enough.  Your daddy and I wouldn't change a single thing about this gig we've somehow gotten lucky enough to be a part of.  We can't possibly put into words how head over heels for the two of you we are.  How happy you make us, how big our heart swells for you, and how you complete us.

One day I'll look back and laugh at myself.  Oh, Kim, you thought 21 months went fast, and that it was hard then?  You just wait.  There's a whole lifetime of love and 'how the hell did we get here'-s.  It only gets better and harder from here.